I’ve got four homework assignments

Which would be fine if I had any of the books i need to do the work… Also, my charger is completely broke so now i have no phone and i have my driving test on the 27th… ugh

College

Is exactly what I needed to turn myself around. I was feeling down for a while and losing motivation slowly and now that I have things to do its brought back my purpose. I crave the tasks and stress that come along with it and that might sound crazy to some who hear it but its how I function. I love being in college and the only complaint would be the fact that my financial aid has yet to come in. I need my materials and supply so not having the finds to purchase them I by far the only stress I’m not excited about but I’m hoping to get it soon. For now, I shall head to my next class… Math. Eew.

verticaliciouss:

doperespect:

same

literally me

Happy Birthday to Me! Whoo!!! I’m 21!!!

I’m going to Arizona for my birthday!

My friend invited me out there to celebrate me turning 21 since I sadly had no other plans and I am ecstatic to be going out there on the 9th, (I will be staying a full week.) Its sad though because every time I pack for a trip I realize how little clothes I have. 

Also: I want a sun hat so I don’t get all burnt out there. Hopefully I can get one but all the pretty stuff is always expensive.

Anyhow, I’m excited! 

OMG I WANT A SWIMSUIT URGHHHH

If you want me,
You need to show me.
If I push you away,
please just push back,
and declare me as your own.
Because I’ve spent my whole life being unwanted,
And I need to be shown that I’m wanted.
I’m scared,
So show me I don’t need to be.
And I will be yours.
(via everydaysogay)

I have Social Anxiety

People make me nervous. When I’m surrounded by many I tend to bubble up. I love people and I am a people pleaser; to a flaw. I strive to make others happy but most of the time I end up making myself sad. 

I get nervous around big or small groups, whether they be family or not. I have taken years to learn to love and accept myself and though I’ve come far, I still have a long ways to go.

I am happy, mostly. But- for some reason people bring out my insecurities. I hate feeling the way I do sometimes. I hate thinking the way I do sometimes. I notice that with family I am scared to face them because all my life I’ve been a flaw. I don’t have anything going for me and I have so many internal and external issues.

Sometimes I fade myself out of certain situations and see how unnoticed I go. I used to think It was me but I see now that I’ve been poisoned my whole life. I have been looked down on and talked down to my entire life. I was made a joke for a lengthy period of my existence and at times I still am but I’ve worked past that. 

Its just that these anxiety’s and issues bring back the past and make me feel smaller than small. I hate remembering how I used to make myself feel at times because It takes me to that point again. 

I’m finally doing things and getting my life together and It makes me excited. I might not have everything I need or might want but Im doing my best to get organized and get myself to a place where I am content because at the end of the day that’s all anybody can ask for.

I’m just honestly ready to be free of my demons and look forward to a good life even if it might not always be the best. 

This isn’t necessarily a happy post or a sad one but its a reminder to myself that no matter where I am in life or how I feel at the time, I have so much to look forward to and that’s all that matters.